Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Tadoba Tigers



Tadoba, a bamboo jungle of about 625 sq km near Chandrapur in Vidarbha. There must be about 67 odd tigers in this jungle. The other variety of wild life consist of Leopard, Black Bear, Boar, Gaur, Sambar, Nilgai, Spotted Deer, Crocodile, Wild Dog, and a magnificent range of birds. However people from all over the world come here to have a glimpse of the tiger alone. Tadoba has therefore been named a Tiger Reserve Forest and the forest guards keep themselves abreast about every movement of this majestic beast. There are a few private resorts and a government one as well. Tourists are welcome for all the twelve months to this reserve forest but the major crowd comes during summer.

Soma, Prantik and I have recently been doing the rounds of forest resorts around Nagpur. We have been to Sillari and Bor together. Individually we have been to Pench and Kanha as well. We have seen a range of wild animals together but never the Tiger. After doing the rounds of Sillari a couple of times we were getting restless and then I suggested we visit Tadoba. They jumped at it and gave me the dates when they would be having holidays. I requested Sudhir Soman to book me the resort since the resort owner was his friend. He went a step ahead and paid for “two days and two nights” stay in the best room available at the resort. That was his way of saying thank you and I accepted quietly. Thank you Sir. Prantik had come with a boil at the top of his right thigh and suffered terrible discomfort throughout the trip.

Our first glimpse of the Royal Tiger Resort was way short of delight. The place looks new but there were no shade giving trees. It looked kind of barren and forsaken. Soma wanted to go elsewhere but with some reservations in mind we entered and had a look at the room. They both sort of compromised and relented since I was showing no sign of wanting to go anywhere else than inside the jungle. Though the rooms and ambience was excellent, the food was very restricted in variety and quantity. Unless one came early to the buffet table (yes food was by buffet only, no orders please!) one could miss a dish. The best part of the resort was its offer of wet towels to the tourist who came back after the four hour safari. It is refreshing after the hot, dry open to air jeep ride. The sad part of the resort was that breakfast is available only at 10.30 am after the safari returns and lunch is available right from 12.00 noon. The gap between meals is not enough, but their men keep knocking on the door cajoling the guests to have lunch on the pretext that food will get cold. The team from National Geographic, who were making a film about survival in extreme conditions and staying in the resort for over a month, was however enjoying. They used to get special supplement in their food of eggs which was never kept on the buffet table. One day the owner offered me omelet after I came back from the safari. By then Prantik and Soma had already had their breakfast. They couldn’t help ogling.

The first safari in the afternoon went of uneventful. We saw a lot many Deers, Sambars and Boars but the beast remained elusive. On one occasion we heard the Tiger growl but it did not show up. The jerks during the road safari left Prantik in a great deal of pain and he decided to skip the next one in the morning. Soma got up in time but was her usual lazy self and also dropped out. I had the entire open jeep to myself and enjoyed the early morning cool jungle. It is a very big jungle with hills and lakes. When the driver shuts the engine, the jungle is filled with sounds of the birds. The Drango, the Babbler, the Parrot, the Tree pie make loud sounds but there are numerous other chirping sounds. They create a symphony which in the morning specially sounds better than the ‘suprabatam’. Some part of the jungle is very old since the girth of the trees is huge. Most parts are dense and one can hardly see a few feet inside the trees. It is almost like a green and yellow bamboo wall. The animal inside can see us but we cannot even guess its presence. They carry on with the daily routine to search food, to feed self and children, to escape from preys, to survive. They all would have their own story to recount of escape, of surprise, of conquest and of care. The twist and turn of the tree trunk and its branches reflect a struggle of survival, to take over as much space as possible, to reach out to the sunlight. Over time the twist gets consolidated and prominent, as if it wants to tell its story of triumph to everyone who wants to listen. There are many tall trees which have shed their leaves as if in sympathy to my bald head. Their dry and thin branches extending towards the heavens seem to be a tale of either appreciation or prayer or anguish. The jungle flavor of the summer season are; Tendu tree very prominent with its green leaves, the Mahua tree very striking with its red leaves and the blood red flowers of the Palash tree is a sight to behold. The old and fallen trees are allowed to rot and serve as nutrition to the insects and reptiles. There are a few villages inside the Reserve Forest and one can see villagers moving on their feet or bicycles without a care. I suppose they do fear the Tiger and remain watchful all the time. They cultivate their land during the rains and wheat is the main crop. All life forms in the jungle go through their primary objective, to survive and procreate, to take care of self and off springs.

The second day afternoon also Prantik was in pain. At the last minute he decided to take the safari for reasons not clear to me. The forest guide who was with me in the morning called up the jeep driver saying that the pair of Tigers were sighted at the lake. The driver informed me and said that we leave as soon as possible. At last Soma and Prantik were ready. I didn’t tell them about the sighting. We could not see the Tiger the previous evening and so I did not want to create expectations. Our jeep reached the water body called Teliya and waited. The story of this tiger pair is that they were seen together since the past two weeks and were mating. Two week of mating? That was because the male Tiger was huge and the female looked a kid in front of him. This was explained as not suitable condition for mating. Whatever! The female Tiger would leave him once she decided it was enough. She would carry for about 36 to 40 weeks and then give birth upto a maximum of four cubs. She has to look after the cubs and protect them from other full grown male Tigers and the Wild Dogs. The news of the Tiger sighting in the afternoon at Teliya spread like bush fire amongst the forest guides. We were the third jeep at the lake and within a span of fifteen minutes there were more than a dozen jeeps full of people waiting with baited breath. On one side of the lake is the road where the jeeps of Tadoba some green and some white in color had positioned themselves. One amongst them was the National Geographic team. The people in the vehicles were speaking in hushed tones and were poised with cameras. There guards and jeep drivers were hoping that their tourists would return home happy so that their reputation would stand protected if the Tigers showed up. The sun was beating hard. Water bottle exchanged hands. Jokes were cracked in soft voices. Everybody was conscious that the Tiger is expected to show up anytime now and they hoped that it really did. The whole atmosphere was pregnant with expectation. On the other side of the lake were the Tigers, resting.

Then came a deep growl. Our guide said, ‘ssshhhhh....’ Then another growl. Now everybody from all the jeeps was looking at a single direction from where the sound emerged. Suddenly someone said ‘dekho, dekho’. The pair was walking one behind the other, the female was ahead and the male was following. Both were with their tails up, declaring itself to everyone around. The female was indeed smaller in size compared to the male. Both entered the water a few meters away from each other, from their hind legs. They immersed half their body and cooled themselves for a few minutes in the water. Both got up together, looked at the number of jeeps and went back into the trees.

The reddish yellow and black striped beast was magnificent indeed. They live by their own rules and nobody can dictate terms to them. They would rather die than live in fear or shame. They will kill only when hungry and never for hoarding nor pleasure. The guides say that a Tiger lives for about 20 years in the wild and 25 years in a Zoo. Only an old and aged Tiger will bother to stray near to human population and attack people attending call of nature or while picking fire wood and Mahua flower. The explosion in human population has disturbed the animal - forest balance. We venture into their space and selfishly call it ours. We kill the Tiger for sport and magical power. Maybe this is a collective human guilty conscience but to see the Tiger alive and free in the wild is a grateful and an overwhelming experience.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Freedom struggle.


I don’t want to come back again. It is not as if world is a wretched place. In fact life is wonderful on this planet. There is nothing that one cannot do over here in this human form. Everything can be done; it only takes time and efforts. With a correct frame of mind, persistent will and focused efforts, human beings can achieve anything. Development has been taking place over the centuries and amongst the few things that humans have not commonly achieved or demonstrated till date is tele-portation or the ability to be at more than one place at the same time. That too will happen someday. So when you look with a broad vision at life in the human form, opportunities are galore. What you get only depends on your own deeds of thought, speech and action. Your own reaction pattern, your own activity, your own visualization ability and self confidence, your own control over mind and body will determine your character, your achievement and your reputation. The rule of life is simple and scientific; good begets good and bad begets bad. Some humans would like to visualize this rule itself as God or would like to imagine a power and name it God which dispenses this rule and evaluates all our actions. However having or not having such a belief does not have any consequence. One may or may not believe in God but the rule is the same to one and all. Another aspect is that life has nothing to do with your current name and birth. Birth follows death and death follows birth but ones’ life continues. One carries the consequence of one’s action from one birth and name to the next like an endless chain. That is as good as saying that one carry’s ones’ achievements also from one birth and name to the next. The only problem is that memories are erased. Today even that can be solved with past life regression therapy. However if one decides to put that matter aside, then one life to the next is a continuous sequence of efforts and results, possibilities and achievements. Thus when it is said that humans can achieve anything, it has to be understood that some activities may even extend beyond a single lifetime to fructify. Life goes on, humans continue to roll in this, enjoy their happy moments, suffer the sad ones and hope to do something better the next time around. So all things considered life is wonderful.

Having said that I still reiterate I don’t want to come back. I want this to be my last life which will be taking into consideration all the consequences of my past actions. I want the register of my past Karma to be wiped clean and then torn into shreds during this life itself so that there is nothing remaining to be carried forward and therefore no reason to be born again. Is this a fad? Is this a result of bitterness? Is this escapism? I have asked myself all these type of questions. I have been accused of running away from problems in the past. I have been accused of shifting from one fad to another, i.e. art of living into soka gakai, from there to Vipassana and so on. I have been accused of being a sulk. Having evaluated myself against all my past track records, I don’t find it to match. This strong desire of not wanting to be born again is like a built in program. It simply got activated one fine day. Nobody told me to go and achieve such a goal. I was surfing the net on Buddhism and got to Vipassana, applied to Igatpuri and was told to register at Nagpur, registered myself and heard the words of Gautama. He said it to be the goal of human life. Many saints I have read said the same thing. I find the rigors and mental conditions suiting to my life. I find events of my life pushing me towards this and baring me away from other pursuits. I am convinced. I know that it is possible to achieve because human can achieve anything just by putting his mind to it. But the most important reason behind the thought is that everything in world and in life is momentary, existing just for a fraction of the second and then there is a change. The physical body cell structure keeps changing. The material world structures keep changing. Thoughts change, feelings change, behavior change. Anything and everything which seems to be solid in this perception based world is in fact constantly changing. Even the karma profile of every individual is changing. There is no me as that which is me at this moment is different from the me from the previous moment and is also different from the me of the next moment. There is no mine since that which I chose to call mine a moment ago undergoes a change and become different the very next moment. To call someone as me and something as mine is only a make belief, pretence and falsehood. To wish to live such a life birth after birth, to enjoy rolling in such foolish pursuits, is like considering the quicksand to be solid ground. One gets attached to the various sense pleasures and this becomes bondage. Fear lurks in every corner, fear that this moment will end, fear that this will not survive, and fear that this will be lost. All life forms have fear as a major emotion or feeling. From fear arises unhappiness and misery. To continue living in this substance-less world is to pursue sufferings and pretend that one is pursuing happiness.

All said and done to become a non-returner is not an easy task. It is going to take a lot of effort to achieve this goal and I don’t want to miss the bus, I don’t want to miss this opportunity. If I am born again there are great chances that I would get entangled into worldly activities and such a desire and chance may take many more birth to come again.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Of Fear....


The breath in function begin

Only to allow the breath out

Wishing many a things linger

But everything is timed out


More amazing than the miracle of growth

Which is born out of everyone’s desire

Is the inevitable spectacle of degrowth

Which is the principle of nature bizarre


Whatever goes up must come down

Whatever takes birth must die

Whatever starts must end

Whatever Bo


Is this cruel and heartless

This mystic law of nature

Is this benign and compassion

This regeneration stature


This puzzle has lead to fears

Of losing what he considers precious

To bribe since he is riddled with tears

Praying for relief at the feet of the gracious

What do I do with myself !


What is this life supposed to be? What am I supposed to do with myself? Seems like a very stupid question. A normal person would say just enjoy each day as it comes, live in the present and don’t worry about any hidden meaning or purpose, there are none. Somebody wise would say, find out what interests you and involve all your energy into it, make every minute count. Someone ambitious would say, go for the stars and you will at least reach the moon. Definitely sounds like a dumb question to ask especially when you know all the answers. Of course I know all these answers but they are good enough for others not for me. None of these answers work for me.

I seem to fall into some sort of no man’s land. I don’t belong anywhere. The profession that I am in is not my natural environment. I am clueless most of the time about what is going on around me and what should be my regular and normal response. I can say this with conviction because I have seen professionals who have a near perfect hang of the direction in which the wind blows and their mind works like a Swiss watch, asking the right question and being at the right place with the right contact. Add to that the fact my mind is neither sharp nor intelligent in matters related to my profession. Most of the time I am the follower of instructions and therefore the treatment given to me is like that. I can see the contrast between what I would wish to be and what I am. However I find it impossible to cross the divide for which the main obstacle or reason is my absolute lack of interest. The wish or desire to be successful is that of my ego, but my life does not support it. I find is impossible to read journals, books, material pertaining to the profession and absorb the contents. They seem so lifeless and boring that my mind cannot concentrate. I find it amazing that I have survived here for two decades. I entered this profession because it was the best road to earn loads of money and to my teenage mind money was all that mattered. During my entire lifetime until a couple of years ago money was the prime object of my desire. Always it has eluded me. Always. I have reached the conclusion that try as I might, my cash pipeline is narrow, it is a manufacturing defect and there is nothing that I can do to change this. It is more likely to be a manufacturer’s intent that is a result of my karma and for that I am grateful. However once this realization set in that money and me are not made for each other, the driving force zeal and enthusiasm for being in this profession has evaporated.

Then can I say with authority and confidence that the need to earn money is no more there in me? False. My money needs have decreased substantially but it has not gone away. I still continue to work with the sole objective to earn money because I need the money to buy a house, to pay for my food clothing and time-pass, to invest in my retirement funds and to donate to charity. I wish to come out of this vicious mental block and be able to relinquish the need to earn but so for I have not been successful. Therein lays the dichotomy of my life. I am comfortable in my quite simple and single life, in contemplation and meditation, in reading and cycling, to use one word in the life of a hermit. But still the need for money persists. I don’t understand how people renounce the material world and take up sanyasa and I find myself unable to do so. I don’t know yet how to life without having to earn and I am searching. The more I remain in this mode, the more removed I am going to become from my profession and the more difficult it is going to be for me to earn money. Will I ever be able to break the shackles and set myself free from this bondage? That once again brings me back to the question, what am I supposed to do with myself?

A very interesting story in the life of Peter Drucker, when he was thirteen a teacher asked him what he wanted to be remembered for. When at a ripe old age of eighty Peter Drucker was still trying to answer that question, “Because it pushes you to see yourself as a different person – the person you can become”.